Since the recent loss of my mother (March 5th, 2010) I have been trying to reunite myself with with my old self. I thought this would be easy…just go back to what I was doing before November 5th, 2009…the date we got the devastating news of the return of her kidney cancer (metastatic renal cell carcinoma). Turns out, for me, it’s harder than I thought. While I certainly don’t miss the drive out to the Marie Steiner Kelting Hospice Home I do miss the reason I made the trip each day…to see my mom. Good days or bad days, a friend writes on his son’s Caring Bridge pages, they were all worth it.
Days after my mom’s death I found myself wandering about aimlessly and finally I turned and I asked Gary, “What did I used to do?” I mean I literally feel like I’m starting over or something. It’s really weird….or is it? I feel lost…or am I? Perhaps it’s all normal, I’m certain it must be because after all….I’m normal….aren’t I? All the things I got good at doing the past 4 months all need to be replaced with what I was good at before that first Thursday in November. Oh sure, I’ll fumble around a bit but before I know it I’ll be back on top of things instead of underneath it all. I can see my horizon from here and it looks beautiful!
I will confess this….as a Wedding and Portrait Photographer I found myself praising God, selfishly, for bringing this trial to our lives in my “off season”. I was truly blessed to be able to spend nearly every day with my mom as she endured being bed ridden with life threatening, pathological fractures, managing pain with unbelievable amounts of narcotics while waiting for these abnormal cells to take over her body…at the young age of 71. This, my friends, was an amazing woman and I did not want to miss a minute with her…I rarely did, all due to God’s perfect timing.
I know that my life is forever changed now but my parents are reunited and I find such joy in knowing that one day…I will join them.
Thank you all for your continued, heartfelt prayers.
God Bless.





